|
College Boy wrote this a few pages ago - "I can't stand the thought of her with someone else, with not me. It sucks so much, and being in this college atmosphere means parties and things of the like where hookups are unfortunately not uncommon. This really tweaks me out and gets me freaking out."
The object of my desire, a young college girl who's worked for me, was on a ski trip with a new boy (she specifically won't call him a boyfriend or say she loves him) and I was just going crazy this past week. Every night I'd think of what it time was where they were and what naughty sexual things she might be doing with him. She and I have never had a physical relationship, but she's teased me mercilessly. Used to be a HS cheerleader- professional tease in my book. It started as good fun in the office, then I think she made a sport of 'getting to me'. It' so bad that I've even tried to get back at her by 'creeping her out' telling her that I get off thinking about her and stuff. Yet every time I rehire her for a job (I'm a photographer- she's my assistant) she's right there and we do work very well together. Maybe she just puts up with me cause she needs the money? I've confided in her my alcohol and drug dependencies and she's been kinda supportive, although she's confused why me, a middle aged successful man, would call on her, a college lass, for 'advice'.
My AA sponsor has hinted at Sex Addicts, where he's a member. I wonder if I need that (how can you be a sex addict when you have no partner?), or just some therapy to go along with AA and anti-D drugs?
We've talked about me doing a 9th step, but what harm has really befallen her? SPonsor says I'd just beg to do the 9th to have one more contact with her, to tell her once and for all my feelings, to see her one 'last' time. Now he's saying that I should never contact her again, to delete any email I get, etc. It KILLS ME to think this. I'm truly OBSESSED.
I hired her to come over and help me decorate my house for Christmas again this year. I'm just hiring a pretend girlfriend, aren't I? She hinted about was that what I thought and I acted like I didn't hear, but she and God were giving me an opening to talk about it then.
|