[Don W]

Today I'm lost, I can only speak from my heart. I have so many things going on in my mind. A few weeks ago I looked at my Mother. We had to place her in a nursing home. I couldn' t help picturing her protecting me from another beating from my father. I'm ashamed but, I felt just as helpless as she must have felt. So many times, she protected me, yet she is blind alone and I can't change this. I have chosen to drink in order to escape. So many things have come into my mind, I listen and read all the thoughts of others. I think, the best way to describe it, is some times the people don't provide answers to me but, questions. I start to question my method of recovery. I have stopped taking my medication, I have not gone to the V A for my PTSD meeting in weeks. Off, the medication, I have gone back to having nightmares about Vietnam. I have decided that if I stay away long enough that you will forget me. I don't want you to forget me. This will be difficult to do. I am thinking that I'll contact my counselor at the VA. I'm sure they'll be upset, and I feel stupid having to admit I made a mistake. However, maybe I can avoid this. I have 2 months supply of my medication. That won't work, I'm going to e-mail and set an appointment for Friday. Do you think this is right? Should I even ask you, when I've let you all down. Don W