[Paulie]

Balance - I am having a hard time with balance right now. Like the girl in my avatar I am slipping and sliding all over the place and can't get a grip!!!!

I have gotten completely sucked into this whole situation with my cousin and it has consumed me for 2 weeks now. I friend whacked me with the frying pan this morning and stopped me from jumping in the car and driving 3 hours to be there just in case he gets out of jail and in case he wants to go to rehab.

The problem/situation is, I want to save my aunt from the pain she is feeling. but I can't, a little co-d you say........ OH YEAH!!!!! I had to call her this morning and tell her that I will not come get him until he calls and asks me to. I have not heard from him since last Saturday. I did not say what he wanted to hear so he does not want to talk to me. I didn't fall for his crap. He even told my aunt that he did not want me to come get him cause he does not want to listen to me in the car. Okay what does that say. His wife filed domestic abuse charges and filed for divorce but still went to visit him 3 or 4 times in the past week. Dont misunderstand me, I want them to work out there problems and stay together if that is what they want. I just speak from experience that a person, an addict, like me, like my cousin, needs to experience the consequences of his actions.

My office has gotten completely out of control, can't see the top of the desk. I really am not handling things well at all right now.

One thing good I can say, is I am not eating. I mean I am eating, but not obessivly over this. I am enjoying my new gym and trainer and feeling good about doing that for myself. She is closed today, sat. and sun, and that is a BUMMER.

My sister is healing well from her surgery but the infection in her asophagus is not good and they cannot do the other surgery until that is healed, she is ill and there is nothing I can do to help her. A dear frined of hers for almost 20 years, this woman has been a part of my sisters life and is always around at important things. Well her son, early 20's was drinking last night, ran a red light and hit a van with 3 people in it. No one was killed but everyone was seriously injured. Tony our friends son is not awake, I say it that way becasue the drs said he is not in a coma and the cat scans and things look okay but he is not responding to anything or anyone, like he is in shock or something. It is so scary. The kid was drinking, damn disease!!! I am angry right now.

Okay there is a whole lot more crap in my head but I will stop for now, cause I know I have a tendency to go on and on and on, uh duh!!!

thank you all for being here and for having SR to come here and let go of this stuff.