why do i struggle.........
why do i struggle with whether i'm an alcoholic or not? why do i struggle with whether i want to quit drinking or not? I feel like I'm living a double life. I really want to make my life better, I want to be happy for once in my life, but the problem is (besides alcohol) that I seem to be only person concerned about my life. My husband doesn't think my drinking is a problem (if he does he doesn't say anything...communication is not one of our strong points). I have been in self destruct mode for a while now, I think I'm just looking for someone to tell me they care, that i do indeed have a problem, and i think most of all i want it to be my husband. I want him to want me to get help, to attend AA meetings if thats what it takes. I have tried to quit in the past and did attend meetings, but I think he felt threatened or resentful. He doesn't come from a family of alcoholics so he doesn't understand the purpose of AA. I had to limit my number of meetings to 2/week to make him happy. I guess maybe that's my biggest problem is trying to make everyone else happy. Right now i'm struggling.......somedays i wonder how i can scream for help so someone will hear me (DWI? Single car Accident? Both?). I can't even really use this website for support because I can only check it out from work (my husband wouldn't understand). I'm just babbling now, don't even know why i felt compelled to write this. I guess i just need to put my feelings into words. Thanks all.