| explaining to the kids
hello......i am the spouse of a cocaine/alcohol addict.......have been for 17 years.......i am 36 with 4 daughters, 10,8,7 and 4.
my husband recently relapsed last month. he tends to binge for awhile then. smokes cocaine all night (away from the house).....come shome, drinks himself down......then sleeps the next day away.
today.......the kids awoke before me, and couldnt "find Daddy".......the oldest, 10, was most concerned, and ran aroudn the house looking for him, checked outside ot see if the vehicles were still there, and finally discovered him in the basement and was ok then, and went about 'kid' business once again...... (he goes in the basement to "hide" form us while he finishes drinking himself down off the unbearable high).
my question is, have i made a grave mistake in not telling my kids what goes on with daddy? im feeling like my relationship with my kids could suffer for not being honest (on their level, of course) and real aobut the 'family problems'......sometimes i do well with living with an addicted person, sometimes i have a bad day.......like today. they can sense my mood, my anger, hurt.........and sometimes, i am resentful that they have no clue why mommy is so disoriented at times. then again.......i dont want to use my kids as any emotioanl whip and glean their "understanding" for my gain. i want to tell them with a motivation and intention more pure, like just doing it to be honest for their sake, and our relationship. doing it so they could have compassion for mommy is ridiculous, and inappropriate, im thinking.
i guess when they were littler, i could have explained little tidbits here and there-but i wasnt aware at the time, and didnt know any better. now my oldest is 10, and people at Al-anon and my ACOA have told me my kids probably already know something is up, and probalby know more than i give them credit for. water under the bridge.......just for today, what is a good suggestion moving forward?
thank you..........melanchonika
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