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This is a very sad story. I'm sorry that you slipped on the pain meds at 11 years clean and then got hooked on this herbal medicine trying to withdraw from opioids. I have tried an herbal supplement only once, and it gave me some effects that I did not like at all (insomnia, anxiety, heart palpitations), so I stopped. The manufacturers advertise herbal products as "natural" but that is misleading. They often contain some very powerful chemicals. Worse yet, they don't have to pass FDA safey standards, so anything could be in them. The lesson I learned is that it is a myth to think that herbal meds are safe and innocuous. If I ever take one again, it will be only with the consultation and advice of health care professional.
Now, to your current situation. Basically, you are trying to get clean off this herbal drug. There is no difference, in principle, between what you are going through and what all other addicts go through on other drugs. Remember the NA reading "we don't care what or how much you used, or who your connections were, but only what you want to do about your problem and how we can help." So, take heart, there is hope for you in NA. You can get/stay clean. Just to the basics: go to meetings, talk to your sponsor, fellowship with recovering addicts, work the steps, pray/meditate, and get involved in service. It works, if your work it.
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