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Gooch · 12-11-2005, 10:45 AM

First ... don't beat yourself up over this.

and just as a point to consider.... reefers an herb and I was so psychologically dependant to it, it was a while before my sense of well being was restored.

Looking back I felt the same revulsion, horror, frustration, and wound up agonizing over the fact that I had broken my dependance on dope, only to become dependant on the program, meetings, and the overwhelming obsessive/compulsive urges to have someone to "talk to" about every little thing that crossed my mind.

For many of us substitution seems to be a part of our discovery process.

That spirtual void seems like a vortex that will suck anything and everything into it trying to be filled. The more we experience the misery of dissatisfaction, the closer we come toward changing our process and filling the void with what it requires... spirit.

That 6th tradition .. "lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose" said purpose being "to carry the message to the still suffering addict" I can apply directly to my own recovery. Because of the first tradition.....our personal recovery being dependant of the unity of the group being of a reciprocal nature. .... ( the unity of the group being dependant on our personal recovery) ... it's become apparent to me that I need to devote taking this addict to the message (in spite of my obsessions to just go get rich quick, pursue relationships, and acquire prestige now that I have a daily reprieve from getting loaded) or my personal recovery suffers to the point of not being able to make a healthy contribution to the unity of the group (or for that matter society as a whole.) If the group suffers so do I.

Fortunately it seems our higher power stages enough of us at different intervals in our growth so that overall we have the spirtual strength to survive our individual spirtual deficits.

Our higher power didn't bring us to recovery to abandon us in the program.

These days I don't set out to seek out pain, nor do I try and avoid it when it seems to be a necessary part of my growth. The sooner I gain acceptance the sooner my relief seems to come.

The suggestions geared toward finding a higher power are that it be loving, caring, and greater than ourselves. Yeras ago when I would berate myself and feel horrible over my little disasters, I would yell at my sponsor "God knows I'm doing the best I can." and he would reply......

"yes He does and he forgives you for your errors, why won't you forgive yourself? Are you still trying to have the last word?"

These days I try and cut righ to the chase and ask for the humility and compassion to forgive myself for all the destructive energies I still manage to focus toward me.

Be good to yourself, be grateful for all that your higher power has given you, and let go of that agony over the spins you've taken on the learning curve.

12-11-2005, 10:45 AM	#5 (permalink)
Gooch Member Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: out there... Posts: 2,654	First ... don't beat yourself up over this. and just as a point to consider.... reefers an herb and I was so psychologically dependant to it, it was a while before my sense of well being was restored. Looking back I felt the same revulsion, horror, frustration, and wound up agonizing over the fact that I had broken my dependance on dope, only to become dependant on the program, meetings, and the overwhelming obsessive/compulsive urges to have someone to "talk to" about every little thing that crossed my mind. For many of us substitution seems to be a part of our discovery process. That spirtual void seems like a vortex that will suck anything and everything into it trying to be filled. The more we experience the misery of dissatisfaction, the closer we come toward changing our process and filling the void with what it requires... spirit. That 6th tradition .. "lest problems of money, property, or prestige divert us from our primary purpose" said purpose being "to carry the message to the still suffering addict" I can apply directly to my own recovery. Because of the first tradition.....our personal recovery being dependant of the unity of the group being of a reciprocal nature. .... ( the unity of the group being dependant on our personal recovery) ... it's become apparent to me that I need to devote taking this addict to the message (in spite of my obsessions to just go get rich quick, pursue relationships, and acquire prestige now that I have a daily reprieve from getting loaded) or my personal recovery suffers to the point of not being able to make a healthy contribution to the unity of the group (or for that matter society as a whole.) If the group suffers so do I. Fortunately it seems our higher power stages enough of us at different intervals in our growth so that overall we have the spirtual strength to survive our individual spirtual deficits. Our higher power didn't bring us to recovery to abandon us in the program. These days I don't set out to seek out pain, nor do I try and avoid it when it seems to be a necessary part of my growth. The sooner I gain acceptance the sooner my relief seems to come. The suggestions geared toward finding a higher power are that it be loving, caring, and greater than ourselves. Yeras ago when I would berate myself and feel horrible over my little disasters, I would yell at my sponsor "God knows I'm doing the best I can." and he would reply...... "yes He does and he forgives you for your errors, why won't you forgive yourself? Are you still trying to have the last word?" These days I try and cut righ to the chase and ask for the humility and compassion to forgive myself for all the destructive energies I still manage to focus toward me. Be good to yourself, be grateful for all that your higher power has given you, and let go of that agony over the spins you've taken on the learning curve.