Honestly? It's not b/c your "wrong" its because some of us (me for example) have been down that road a few times and its easier on hindsight than forsight. Addictive personalities (alkies) are impatient--we want everything yesterday and its much easier to figure out what OTHER people should do than to actually just shut up and focus on ourselves. One of the easiest traps that I fall into (I'm not unique) is to figure things would be easier if the guy in my life stopped using and in my case i divorced only to find out that this wasn't an easy path--or necessarily the right one either. And for some walking away is the answer--for me it just perpetuated another set of problems and the origional ones kept resurfacing with every attempt at a new relationship I made. Fact is, is that nobody is perfect and because I grew up around drinking the chances are good that I will attract and be attracted to another person who drinks or who did drink. So, now, I'm back in the saddle again--often thinking my life would be so much better if only HE would get on track and do what I figure he should be doing. In my case, he's not even using--just not happy etc when I want him to be--and its still easy to figure I'd be happier if he only did what I think he should be doing :P Its way harder to live in the same house and to not get pulled into whatever mood he's in, yet this is why I go to alanon so I can learn some of these tools--not so that I can convince him to be Mr Perfect.
I'd hate to see a marriage of 20 something years go down the drain--especially when its so obvious that you do love her--just because of typical alcoholic traits that surface during recover...ie...perfectionism, impatience, desire/need to focus on someone elses recovery rather than your own and many others. If I had actually listenned to my sponsor and the other girls when they said "no big decisions in the first year" I think I would have saved myself a whole lot of misery.