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Phinneas,
The first 4th step I did; I did on my own. Gave it to the sponsor I had at the time - she looked at it; said "that's nice, instead of blaming everyone else, why don't you go ahead and figure out what your part is in it." Didn't attempt another 4th step for a few years. Different sponsor, did another one - we discussed it...left too much out; no resolution, slight relief but nothing like I expected. A year ago, my hinney was up against the wall - had a good sponsor, had no other choice than to do a 4th step (that or drink/die), grabbed another hard core sponsor and just started writing.
I keep my notebook in my car and I did mine differently that the BB suggests. I headed mine by identifying the character defects/shortcomings affected in me. Wrote about the situation then identified MY part in it. I have perfectionist issues too. I also like to write - helps me to see when things are in black and white. This 4th step ended up being 11 pages. I did my 5th step with my first sponsor - still not much relief. Then the difficult parts I took to my second sponsor and within 20 minutes all the guilt, shame and pain I had been feeling...the inability to forgive self...it was gone.
The writing helped (absolutely). But my second sponsor held the key...she had a worse story than I and she was able to give me assurance that sometimes things that happen you are not and cannot be responsible for.
I went home after our meeting and got down on my knees and asked God's forgiveness and to help me forgive myself. Talk about a spiritual experience. There aren't any words I could possibly imagine to come up with to explain how I felt...those that have been there, know exactly what I'm talking about. It's something you never forget.
As for how far do you go back...I went with where my "troubles" began, when I started remembering "bad" things. I went there to present. This will NOT be your last 4th step. It does help though to get out as much as you can though. If I remembered stuff after I "thought" I was done - which things continued to hit me several days after - I just added them on.
Most of my resentments are of myself, is this ok; is it normal? Do I handle this any differently than resentments against other people or things?
I think most peoples' resentments are of themselves when it gets right down to it. Putting the "blame" aside and finger pointing was hard for me to do for a long time.
How long should I allow? How will I know when I am done?
You will "know" when you are done...if not, keep in mind, you can always do another one...!!! My second sponsor is a HUGE fan of the "mini 4th steps". UGH!!!!!
Good luck, pray before you start writing, turn your will over and let your pen/pencil do the action. Don't think - just write (that's my advice anyway).
Love ya,
Jen
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