[Sheryl85]

Dear Jen,

You discovered something that I did a few years ago. Someone keeps going into my (AA) books and writing new things for me to discover! That must be it, because surely that was never there the last time I read that passage. Seriously, I know exactly what you mean. I go back and read again areas that for some reason I had overlooked in the past. Maybe it’s because we’ve matured and it means much more to us at this time in our sobriety. It could be something else that I’ll touch on in a minute.

When I studied step seven I started to realize that the old personality has to die before the new personality can emerge. When I ask God to remove those defects of character, I am letting him take the “old” away so that it can be replaced by the good elements of my new personality. The past few steps have enabled me to catalog what the bad or defective elements were so that I can know what wasn’t working in my life. And most of the time I find it has to do with what you were talking about… that fear factor. For me it was usually due to something I was doing trying to offset the fact that I didn’t get my way. (I was resentfully because I didn’t get my way. I was angry because I didn’t get my way. I was lustful because I didn’t get my way. I was envious because I didn’t get my way. Me, Me, Me, I, I, I!) I have to humble myself before my God and admit I have been a selfish and self-centered person and I need His help to change. I need Him to help me realize that true happiness comes to those people who do His will and who do for others … like the prayer says, “grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive…” When I seek to be of benefit to others I find that I am the most content with life. In step twelve, which we are studying right now in our step study, it talks about this same thing and how even the simple things like our jobs take on a whole new meaning and satisfaction if we look at it as an opportunity to be helpful to others instead of just a means of making money.

You are doing something very important for your program and here is the point I was getting at earlier.The reason why you feel you are seeing these things for the first time is because you are studying the literature and not just reading it. There IS a difference between the two. When I read it, I gain information. When I study it, I gain enlightenment.

Just a thought...