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I relate so much to the postings about love addicts and the love avoiders! I am trying to get over a long distance relationship WITH a love avoider, I think...for 4 years. He refuses to talk to or acknowledge me now in any way, even changed his phone number...He is in Canada and I am in PA so he pretty much nixed any way for me to get in touch...
I know we are BOTH to blame for the end...but he blames me-refuses to acknowledge any fault of his own...I am difficult, argumentative, too much trouble...
In my head, I know it was not all me...I see his problems, too, but it is so hard for me right now to get over the self blame and anger. I do know much of what happened was me, and his inability or unwillingness to understand my addictions and problems - to work through them
...I suffer from many issues...abandonment being a huge part of my problems, due to losing my parents and oldest sister at age 12 and being swept up by an unloving relative for the monthly income supplied and moved to another state...not being allowed to grieve or get support and help to acknowledge and work through my losses - being told I was not allowed to cry at night due to waking up my cousin in the room...much trauma and hurt, resulting in no self esteem, sense of boundaries or sense of self. This man knows how much I am frightened and hurt by total abandonment and did that regardless.
I continually fall in love with emotionally unavailable people, or people who DO love me but end up being disgusted with me and not wanting to work through things with me.
This man and I knew each other's problems - depression, loss, etc...and were to be together - naturally I was to give up everything - home, friends, job, etc...and move to live with him - willingly - because I love him...The problem is he never truly loved me, although I think he convinced himself he did. I became a burden. We were best friends before a relationship, confided everything about each other, were very supportive and caring, and I am now totally lost. He doesn't even consider me worth being a friend because he considers me too sick and toxic, I believe. I attempted to erase myself completely from life in my depression and he told me he can't DEAL with me...he constantly sent me mixed messages and then denied my questions regarding insight into his actions.
I need to know how to let go...to stop obsessing...to ease the pain. I am spiritual and am turning it over MINUTE BY MINUTE...by am so tired of grief and pain and shame...
Help?
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