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Five · 11-25-2005, 02:32 AM

Thanks Minnie for this – some vital stuff for me there. Its funny, my boss, who is quite “healthy” and has a strong sense of personal autonomy said to me: I need to set boundaries with this girl! Funny how most people can think this stuff but with a few it takes a while. For the past three or four months I have been thinking: what do I do with all this tension. And, I guess, it comes down to looking after myself, focusing on my own problems, and making sure that I do not want this lady as a part of my emotional life. I believe addicts, across the board, have different ways of behaving, and her “addictive style” if you like was far different to mine. I was the quiet, nervous, don’t say boo to a goose type, but then a psychotic drunken lunatic in the evening. But she seems to have this chronic need to swamp all and everything with her emotion; to suck everything into her like, as you say, to validate her – its as if that without doing this she would crumble. God, its awful but its like the OUTSIDE world is what is keeping her insides together. Does that make sense Minnie? Its one way traffic without any balance. I feel a lot of shame writing this because it sounds as if I hate her – which is just not true – sometimes you can really see what kind of person she could be if it were not for the undertow of addiction, sometimes she shines through, ya know what I mean? But I thought I must type because in the evenings I began to dread the coming tense filled day at work. And I now have a clearer idea of keeping my sanity intact whilst this ladies is sadly, pretty much, disintegrating bit by bit. I really would never say to her: you have a drinking problem. why? Because that could back fire HORRIFICALLY and its not worth the risk. She knows I don’t drink, I have told her the reasons, and I would LOVE to help her if she asked me. I will pass on some tips to my boss who truly hates her, and dreads being around her. Anyway, watch this space!

11-25-2005, 02:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
Five Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: London Posts: 1,229	Thanks Minnie for this – some vital stuff for me there. Its funny, my boss, who is quite “healthy” and has a strong sense of personal autonomy said to me: I need to set boundaries with this girl! Funny how most people can think this stuff but with a few it takes a while. For the past three or four months I have been thinking: what do I do with all this tension. And, I guess, it comes down to looking after myself, focusing on my own problems, and making sure that I do not want this lady as a part of my emotional life. I believe addicts, across the board, have different ways of behaving, and her “addictive style” if you like was far different to mine. I was the quiet, nervous, don’t say boo to a goose type, but then a psychotic drunken lunatic in the evening. But she seems to have this chronic need to swamp all and everything with her emotion; to suck everything into her like, as you say, to validate her – its as if that without doing this she would crumble. God, its awful but its like the OUTSIDE world is what is keeping her insides together. Does that make sense Minnie? Its one way traffic without any balance. I feel a lot of shame writing this because it sounds as if I hate her – which is just not true – sometimes you can really see what kind of person she could be if it were not for the undertow of addiction, sometimes she shines through, ya know what I mean? But I thought I must type because in the evenings I began to dread the coming tense filled day at work. And I now have a clearer idea of keeping my sanity intact whilst this ladies is sadly, pretty much, disintegrating bit by bit. I really would never say to her: you have a drinking problem. why? Because that could back fire HORRIFICALLY and its not worth the risk. She knows I don’t drink, I have told her the reasons, and I would LOVE to help her if she asked me. I will pass on some tips to my boss who truly hates her, and dreads being around her. Anyway, watch this space!