[shutterbug]

My response is this....I bet even Christ needed a pep talk every once in a while when he was on earth and living in human form! We all need pep talks...we all need support...we all need to feel like we are doing okay and that other people can see that in us - as validation to prove to ourselves that we REALLY are doing okay and that what we are doing is still working so therefore we need to keep it up.

Do "I" ever feel like blowing off my support systems....OH YEAH...all the time. I need them desperately so I know i can't, but that's a double edged sword. I absolutely hate knowing and realizing how dependent upon others I am. I feel like I should be strong enough to do it on my own (and this is the kind of deceptive and false thinking that gets me in trouble every time). I have to tell myself that it's not only okay to depend on a support system, but it's really a necessity to every human being. We are social creatures and we were born this way. We depend on others. We decide what kind of person we are and how successful we are in our lives by seeing and percieving the responses of those people in our support system. They are like our true life mirrors. (rather than the mirrors we use to look into for comfort...you know...those fun house mirrors that distort the truth and make us appear to ourselves to be fat or short or every shape except our true beautiful shape).

When we step into aware recovery in our lives...i believe we all kind of take an unspoken oath to stop looking into those fun house mirrors and start searching for only the truth and to do that we HAVE to have our support system in place and to continue to nurture that or else our thinking will return to that distorted picture again. And it's so easy to go back to that warped mirror b/c it's familiar to us, it feels like an old friend, but it's not. Those mirrors may even make me look 10 pounds skinnier (and I sure would love to believe that I am), but that's not the truth and unless i look to the truth then I will never be successful in becoming the person I truely want to be.

And yeah...sometimes I often get tired of seeing the truth, because the truth is painful, but IMO not as painful and harmful as avoidence and denial can be - which can destroy the life i've been working so hard for.

Don't know if any of this makes sense....just my thoughts at the moment...

Hang in there. I think it's wonderful progress that you recognized this. You seem to be so over-whelmed that you looking to run and hide....bury your head in the sand, but that never helps anything b/c problems never go away. We have to deal with them sooner or later. Stress relieving things would be a super good idea right now i think. You know drinking is not the answer and that's awsome....don't let those fun house mirrors convience you otherwise.