Hi all,
Oh, I had this wonderful week last week. Really,. life was really quite stressful, very stressful really, but, I felt good, better than I have felt in a while. I was beginning to think, maybe my life was going to be getting "more normal".. LOL..
I put alot of faith in god, I have a strong faith. I believe he can help me, I don't believe however that I have been so deserving of his strength, and help always. Thsi si a battle I have struggled with in my head. Last week, things changed, I really put strong faith in him, praying more reguylarlyy, and reading the bible a bit more, just getting better in my faith, stronger.
Even with all that went on last week, nothings eemed to feel like the end of the world to me, as I ofen feel.
Well this last night, I wasn't stressed, but I was unable to sleep. I just couldnt. I was up until 5:30 am. The only thing that seemed different last night was that, I normally have been having this swelling problem. Sometimes pretty bad, my ankle, is sometimes so big, that well, it's huge, and occasionally, my hands are also somewhat swollen. But lastnight, my hands were huge, and very uncomfortable.. Most of the night.
So I went to sleep at 5:30, and woke up at 9:30, but you see, I never get much sleep at all, and this is not enough sleep for me, on the weekends, ( I ususally catch up a little on the weekends, when the kids and husband don't have to get up early). I woke up and came to the computer, everyone in the house was sleeping, but me, and I logged on SR, and began typing a reply to a post. All of a sudden my heart began to pound very, hard and fast, I knew it was the start of a severe panick attack. It got really bad.,
I went and laid on the couch, and prayed, and prayed, and went to sleep, that was the first time that I can remember that I had a panick attack that bad, and did not go to the hospital, but instead, prayed through it, and fell asleep. So, I slept a couple hours, and once again woke up, but this time, as soon as I opened my eyes, mt heart started, and the panic set in, and the process repeated itself. I went to sleep again, after praying. My panick attacks physically exhaust me when they are over normally, I am not sure if this is normal for others that have them, but, I believe it is because my heart goes so hard, so fast.. I kept doing this until 2:30 when I got up and took my anxiety meds. Then I was out until 5:30.. Not good, because I am not slleping and of course it's 12:30, but I'mm sure it will be morning, before I sleep again. I hope not to have another panick attack though. I so hate them, ugh..
Although I am grateful that I made it through today, without going to the hospital. I hate going to the ER when I am having one, they scare me, and my attacks always get worse there, then they fill me full of anxiety meds, normally alot of them. More than I care to take.
I did get up, and get soem work done today. But, not as much as I needed to do. The work will wait though, that i know.
I am a it afraid though, because it seems, Sundays and Mondays, kinds help decide how the rest of my week will be. I hope not like this.
I look like I have been dragged behind a car. Beaten, black eyes are terrible.
Please, if you pray, please say a prayer for me,, I would appreciate it very much..
Thanks for listening.
Oh, and if the way my panic sounded, seemed strange to you, well, that is how mine generally go.. Yuck..
Thanks
God Bless,
Becky