SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Husband's dilemma re job

Sophia57 · 11-09-2005, 02:16 AM

Hi everyone
I've posted here before and got good advice. I'm married 2 years to my husband who's sober 13 years in AA.
In the time I've known him - about 6 years now - he's always had problems in work.
When he hit his rock bottom he lost his dream job in journalism and it nearly broke his heart and destroyed his confidence. I didn't know him in his drinking years (from age 19 to about 39) so have no experience of active drinking, just so you know.
He's now out sick with stress from the second job he's had since I know him, both well below his capability level. He was afraid to go back to the world of journalism and now, at 51, hasn't the confidence or qualifications they look for these days.
He may have to leave this job as he can't handle the very militaristic management style and the sick attitude of many of his colleagues. The shift hours are also really difficult for him.
I can't support both of us and his daughter, and pay the mortgage, but he's afraid he'll have a nervous breakdown if he stays. I've pleaded with him for so long now to retrain, or look for another job, but he keeps putting off doing anything. He's a terrible procrastinator at the best of times. Just coasts then gets all in a flap.
I don't really know what question I'm asking here. I don't care if he works in Macdonalds so long as he's content and we can get by. He has no idea what to do and is terrified he won't get another job. The anxiety is eating him up.
He's going to 2 meetings a day at the moment, which helps.
He has excellent skills but zero self-esteem and won't hear of counselling, as he says he's over all the horrendous stuff that happened in his life.
I've told him I'll back him all the way even if he never works again, tho it would be crippling financially. I just hate seeing him like this, he doesn't deserve it but seems incapable at the moment of any type of action or plan. He never plans anyway - everything is last minute/mind changed in our house and I mostly have learned to adapt to it as I can't change him.
I go to Alanon myself.
Any words of experience would be helpful
Thanks
Sophia

11-09-2005, 02:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sophia57 Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ireland Posts: 152	Husband's dilemma re job - advice please? Hi everyone I've posted here before and got good advice. I'm married 2 years to my husband who's sober 13 years in AA. In the time I've known him - about 6 years now - he's always had problems in work. When he hit his rock bottom he lost his dream job in journalism and it nearly broke his heart and destroyed his confidence. I didn't know him in his drinking years (from age 19 to about 39) so have no experience of active drinking, just so you know. He's now out sick with stress from the second job he's had since I know him, both well below his capability level. He was afraid to go back to the world of journalism and now, at 51, hasn't the confidence or qualifications they look for these days. He may have to leave this job as he can't handle the very militaristic management style and the sick attitude of many of his colleagues. The shift hours are also really difficult for him. I can't support both of us and his daughter, and pay the mortgage, but he's afraid he'll have a nervous breakdown if he stays. I've pleaded with him for so long now to retrain, or look for another job, but he keeps putting off doing anything. He's a terrible procrastinator at the best of times. Just coasts then gets all in a flap. I don't really know what question I'm asking here. I don't care if he works in Macdonalds so long as he's content and we can get by. He has no idea what to do and is terrified he won't get another job. The anxiety is eating him up. He's going to 2 meetings a day at the moment, which helps. He has excellent skills but zero self-esteem and won't hear of counselling, as he says he's over all the horrendous stuff that happened in his life. I've told him I'll back him all the way even if he never works again, tho it would be crippling financially. I just hate seeing him like this, he doesn't deserve it but seems incapable at the moment of any type of action or plan. He never plans anyway - everything is last minute/mind changed in our house and I mostly have learned to adapt to it as I can't change him. I go to Alanon myself. Any words of experience would be helpful Thanks Sophia