My name is Vic and yes I am an alke, I have to come and realize that I was an alcoholic before I was an addict. Yet I truly believe that if you are an alcoholic you are an addict but this realization hit me tonight. I have to find my place and today I did a searching of my soul. I have all my life been raised that it is OK to drink but NEVER do DRUGS. Well I made sure that I did do the DRUGS then out of rebellion, yet I did a whole lot of drinking also.
One day my wife (now ex) said "Vic, you are a completely different person when you drink please stop! You can smoke all the pot that you want but don't drink." Well that is what I did, I smoked POT, and POT and POT and POT. Then I started to do stuff that I swore that I would never do, coke, meth, acid, ludes, etc etc...But during that time I did NOT DRINK. I said that I wouldn't, and yes I did keep that promise up until The last time that I went back out.
I drank, smoked pot, meth that was available. But today I have to realize that I AM and alcoholic, I was an alcoholic way before I ever picked up drugs and yet I still find myself in addiction. Not so much with drinking or using but my new addiction has been the AA program for the past 3 weeks. I have put down the NA Basic Text and have just focused on the AA Big Book. I have found that my attitude has changed like I have never seen. I am worried in a way though, am I now trying to deny my addiction or am I truly facing my real addiction Alcohol...I love to drink, or I did.
I am not sure why I am saying all of this but I know that I need to get this out. I sometimes feel out of place in NA, there are alot of young people there, maybe that is why, not sure. But I found a home group today and it was in the rooms of AA. I am complicating things here, anyway I just need some advice I guess. I do respect each of you..Thanks
Love Vic
