[Don W]

Positive thoughts for even a short time is a start. This is a process and you've been able to have some poitive thoughts. Now you need to learn how to extend them. The past is an old chapter in your life. The start of a new chapter will lead to another and another. Soon, the past becomes more distance and is clouded by the new. Carol is correct, please look into some type of help. By all means no matter what stay connected to SR. I used and kept connected, if nothing else, I did that right. Like carol said, at the beginning I could easaily replace your's with my name on your post. Takes some time and read the other new people. Identify? You aren't alone. Refocus your anger on the correct target, your addiction. It will simply laugh at you punishing yourself. Picture yourself as a survivor. Like myself you might need help with other issues. Mine was like a stool with 3 legs. As long as one remained broken I could sit. Addiction,Mental Issues and spiritual issues must be treated differently but, at the same time. I'm talking about actions and behavior when I mention spiritual, don't think religion, some do and run. Can I ask? One big problem I had was with sabotage. Any success or good feeling made me so uncomfortable, that I'd sabotage. Feeling bad got to the point of normal and comfortable. Have you done this due to self anger or self hate? Been there done that.