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Hey Maxi,
Take a good look at your post. It alone will tell you that you need more help. My heart is bleeding for for you. You express such hopelessness and pain. You express dreams of the future. Your future will depend on whether you want to get clean. I was an out of control drug addict, and I can remember many an early morning that I, too, felt despair. It hurts. The drugs will continue to make you feel this way. The only way towards brightness is to make a decision to stop. I know that is easier said than done; and please don't feel that I am lecturing you, but when I read your post I acutely remembered feeling just as you do now.
Please get some help. I went to rehab and then to AA. I see that many members of SR go to NA. There weren't any NA meetings around here when I got clean. But try everything. Please keep posting. There are a lot of members who will support you.
I will be thinking of you.
Carol
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