[Neasa]

I haven't seen any threads covering this topic. I have a few questions & a few observations I'd like to check in on. Maybe other newcomers will too.

Went to my first Al-Anon meeting as an adult last night. Have been twice before, but each time was several years apart & while in my teens, so I may as well say this was my first.

Cross-talk: I understood this to mean no referencing what the speaker/s prior to you have said & no commenting while they're speaking. Is this correct? The facilitator did both the entire meeting despite two reminders from another person there.

Meeting facilitators: Should this be someone who's just returned to Al-Anon after, oh say, more than 15 years away?

To Speak or Not to Speak: I feel too confused to say anything. On the one hand, I'm told "there are no shoulds," on the other, a newcomer doesn't know enough yet to speak & should just listen. Also, if advice-giving is such a no-no, what's the point? I can sit at home & think myself in circles - I don't need to seek out non-responsive strangers to get blank looks & silence from. I'm having so many differing emotions from minute to minute that I don't really want to speak, but I also don't like feeling like I can't because

I don't know what to do with all the emotions that keep coming up. While I was listening to others & since then, recalling what they said, I'm getting more overwhelmed, not less. I don't want to start blubbering in a room full of strangers.

Shame: Are ACOAs really just a bunch of whiners? Cause if that's the perception, I'm gonna clam right back up again. Had enough shame put on me by others to last a lifetime. I'm not inclined to subject myself to that again.

How do you get the needle out of the groove? How do you shut off the critical voices from the past long enough to get some benefit from meetings?

There's more, but that's all I can think of right now.