[LinzisAddiction]

Shutter...ah, i appreciate sooooooooo much all you had to share with me. I understand where you stand with relationships and family. That is, unfortunatly, the most important thing in my life. I want to prove to myself that i can make up for my own childhood. and give my children a life they deserve. You guessed right, im 20. I am currently in a realtionship...not quite engaged yet..but i know its coming sometime within the next 2 weeks. (being friends with his sister has its benefits!!) However, this wont be my first engagement, and my biggest fear is that it wont be my last either. I want it to be...soo bad..However, with my emotions, and the way i flip out all the time, no one seems to be able to handle me entirely for a long period of time. I told my boyfriend the day i met him that im a bitch, and a veyr emotional person. He swore to me he could handle it. and so far, he seems to be doing well. Understanding that one little thing will set me off, and ill loose all control of my emotions. He is aware of my past, my addictions, and the stupid, drastic things i did that came along with those things and yet, he still loves me, and takes me for everything i am. and, for some absolutly insane reason, he still thinks he's soo lucky to have me. bah.

anyway, Im glad that your church family never left you behind. and yes. to be rejected by the only people who ever accepted you, really set me off. and i went crasy after the fact.

And in reply to Best's thread...i have not give "up" on God. However, i do not have a relationship with him at the moment...well, i have a very very VERY weak one. I dont bother going ot church, or making any attempt to live my life the way a "Christian" would. Mainly because, my experience with all Christians has never been pleasant. And, I dont understand why on earth God would allow me to go through so much sh*t. and sit back, and watch it all happen.

Please dont get me mistaken. I am very much aware that my life is wonderful compared to many people's lives out there. But, here i am, a 20 year old drug addict/alcoholic. I spent 3 months of my life living behind a gas station, and making money to support my habbits in the worst of ways...(im sure you can imagine)

i could write so much more...but, life away from this box is in exsistance (as muhc as i sometimes wish it wasnt) I've got errands to run and things to get done. however, im sure ill be back on later tonight to update, and see how posts are going!! Stay Well everyone.