[Josie]

Woman over 50 don't have babies because they
would put them down, and forget where they
left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box
of candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves
completely.

The best way to forget your troubles is to
wear tight shoes.

The nice part of living in a small town is
that when you don't know what you're doing,
someone else does.

The older you get the tougher it is to lose
weight, because by then your body and your
fat have become really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
today comes along.

Sometimes I think I understand everything,
then I regain consciousnesss.

I gave up jogging for my health when my
thighs kept rubbing together and setting my
pantyhose on fire.

Amazing!! You hang something in your closet
for awhile, and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people really irritate me! Especially
when they say things like "you know, sometimes
I forget to eat". Now I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name, and my
keys. But I have never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with
her birth control pills. She has 14 kids,
but she doesn't really care.

The trouble with some women is that they
get all excited about nothing, and then they
marry him.

I read this article that said the typical
symptoms of stress are: eating too much,
impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are
they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect
day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is all about.
The secret is that nobody over 30 can fit
into their stuff.

Celebrate Womanhood!!