It's okay, GD. No need to apologize. I so understand. Ifeel like the poster girl for relapse sometimes. But, I learned from each and every one, and so will you. Something good will come from this.
I hope the talk with your gf goes as well as it can. I am thinking about you, and I will check back later.
Hang in there. I know it feels all messed up and hopeless right now, but I swear it will get better. It's not as bad as your mind is telling you right now. You used for the last time today. Just tell yourself that and move forward. Usually the hardest things in life are the most worthwhile.
You're alive. You're not in jail. You have a chance to start over brand new right now. That's pretty cool, right??