Thanks for understanding Poppy and Kenton! I never knew how much it helps to just have someone who understands until I wanted to get sober.
Kenton, I'm glad the hair looks good! I'd love some highlights but since a hair dresser completely ruined my hair by bleaching all of my roots and then added dark colour bits when I asked for highlights, I stopped going to hairdressers and only cut it myself. Maybe one day I find the courage to get over it
That girl at the party sounds nasty and annoying, I don't know if I had been able to deal with her the way you did.
In a way it makes it easier that my roomie was high and not drunk.
Still it's tricky for me to handle. I noticed how the alcoholic part of my brain is running wild since last night. While I was brushing my teeth before going to bed I caught myself thinking about how I could get away with a relapse the longest. Main problem being that I promised my BF to be completely honest about my drinking and I assume he wouldn't leave me if it was a slip but if I planned on continuing with drinking for some weeks or months or even longer I doubt he'd just stay around and watch. Which is fair and good. But my brain was desperate to find I way how I cold drink and still have him in my life. How selfish and horrible.
This morning after waking up my first thought was that maybe I wasn't an alcoholic and just had an 'alcoholic phase' like my roomie had. I call this BS cause I'm pretty sure that all my drinking phases were alcoholic in the past couple years. Also it's doubtful my roomie had to drink in the morning before uni, during uni or was unable to go to her lectures because of drinking. Also doubtful she had to drink when she really didn't want to.
It's such a crazy and powerful disease and it's such insanity that it keeps telling us we don't have it. I had a bit of a freak out about it. I'll have to be super careful and really work on my recovery all my life or I might end up drinking again.
I guess I'm really lucky to have a partner who is the same. He doesn't only understand but also is a constant reminder and I know that I can't BS him. He knows I'll never be able to drink normally. So I have no room for 'experiments'.
Time to read some of my AA literature and meditate in the hope that my brain will calm down again and stops obsessing about the fact that some of my friends can drink while I don't. I'm not even jealous of their partying, it's only the drinking which I'd prefer doing on my own.
It's great to have you back Dee! Doing nothing can be the best and most productive sometimes.
I wish everyone a great day morning /night / evening!