From my experience;
I was angry because I was filled with self-pity. There wasn't anything that anyone could do to help me because, even when they did, it was never enough.
I looked outside myself for
everything and nothing and no one lived up to my unrealistic expectations.
I was all about "poor me, no one has it as tough as I do, no one understands me." I believed everyone had it easy except me.
I have been sober for 2 1/2 years now, and the clarity with which I view my life now did not come quickly. It has been a process.
I have learned to rely on myself, to trust myself, to do for myself. I, and only I, am responsible for myself, for my happiness, for my growth, for my well-being. None of that comes from other people, it is in me to find.
My AH continues to drink daily and, although he is not abusive or outwardly angry, I realize that his emotional capability is limited, as was mine, when I was still actively drinking.
I still have moments of frustration with my AH, until I remind myself where he is. He is living in active alcoholism and life from underneath the haze of active alcoholism is very small and very "all about me". He isn't emotionally available or capable. He can't access that for himself so there is no way for him to show up for me.
I hope this helps a little bit, I just wanted to throw a few things out there.
