SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

shutterbug · 09-20-2005, 01:13 AM

hi wolf...it's like I could have written most of this post myself. We have a lot of the same thoughts, feelings and histories with family and relationships. The main difference being that I'm 29 and still going through a lot of those things. You are SO ahead of the game....you just don't realize!

When I was your age...I was going through my 1st major depression in college. I went to a couple of counseling sessions with a really bad counselor...but I was told I was co-dependent. I didn't really know what that was...and even when it was explained to me I didn't think much about it or how to change it.---that is until a year ago when I got mixed up with a late-stage alcoholic who went on a week long binge and scared me half to death. In trying to call people who knew him and ask them if I should rush him to the hospital, I ended up finding help for myself.

His old sponser pointed me to a side group from AA called Alanon (for friends and families of alcoholics)...which you've probably heard of. I was so desperate for ANY help that I initially became obsessed with the program and of learning what it REALLY meant to be co-dependent and how that had kept me from finding real relationships and love....and how that was also keeping me miserable and unhappy.

OMG...if I had found Alanon when I was 22 and still in college....I can't even begin to imagine how beautiful my life would be! And how many wonderful people I would have in my life right now. The program truely has been a God-send in my life.

Alanon works on the basis of re-wiring that inner dialogue we have with ourselves (putting ourselves down) and to learn to focus on us and our own happiness instead of that of others...like our family and friends. For me, it was a liscense to become a little selfish for the first time in my life....and the thing I came to realize is that EVERYONE needs to be a little selfish to take care of themselves properly...so it's not really being selfish...it's being healthy!

For me and many others....growing up in an alcoholic home put up all kinds of barriers for me to have healthy relationships with anyone...including myself.

There is a friends and family of alcoholics forum on this site...which is awsome....but I would suggest finding out about local meetings in your area and attending 2-3 meetings a week, but AT LEAST 1 a week. Give it 6 meetings and then decided if it's right for you or not. It's FREE (unless you want to donate a $1 or $2 at the meetings) and the group is made up of people who know exactly what it's like to be affected by someone else's drinking.

Believe it or not....co-dependency CAN keep you from ever finding your potental happiness within relationships. (I'm a walking billboard for that evidence). So I would really like to suggest you give the program a shot. And it's not saying that you're not strong...because almost anyone that has come out of an alcoholic up-bringing (as you well know) are very strong individual's because of all we've had to endure. It just means that for me....I need a some "healthy brainwashing" to reverse what my childhood put in my head, which is a low self-esteem and self-worth, trouble in relationships or around new people or in new situations or environments, giving more of myself than I have to give just to try and make others happy (all while I'm ignoring my own happiness and not even fully taking care of myself). I also realized the "type" of people I was choosing to have relationships or friendships with were people who would never be able to give me what I needed and who would actually bring me more pain and saddness and loneliness in my life. And I'm learning how to search out healthy people and relationships because of Alanon.

I would also like to suggest trying individual counseling again. Counselors are as different as snowflakes...so try a few out until you find one you feel most comfortable with and connected to. The more you can trust and relate to the person...the more beneficial the sessions can be. And they can help you really work on self-esteem issues, thought stopping or modifying to help you stop beating yourself up mentally, how to build and keep healthy relationships...and so much more....counselors are just another tool to help you through life. I thank God for mine every day. They have all helped me so much.

And I almost hate to say this because I'm not a doctor and I don't know you really and I don't want you to get the wrong idea....but there's a small possiblitity that you mind find it beneficial to research about bipolar disorder. Now I'm NOT saying you have it. Not in the least! All I'm saying is that some of the things you've mentioned about feeling great some days and depressed other days....well it perked up my own bipolar antennas. The reason I say all this is because BD usually starts showing symptoms in college-age students and it often goes undiagnosed for years and often decades to the detrement of the person. I should have been diagnosed when i was your age...instead I was handed a few bottles of anti-depressants and sent on my way. I continued to struggle off and on with low- to medium-grade depression until this past year (for nearly 7 years undiagnosed) when I hit my 2nd and more severe major depression. In the last year, I have been bed-ridden for months, in the hospital twice, in a long-term day treatment program twice, had my meds switched about 20-30 times, lost my career job, nearly lost my home, lost all the friendships in my life who I had worked so hard to maintain and nearly committed suicide a couple of times. AND this could have all been avoided if a decent doctor or anyone else would have informed me! And the thing with BD is that it's a progressive illness so it keeps getting worse the longer it goes untreated.

I always try to tell people here about this because a large number of us who suffer re-occuring depression...well the depression is really a symptom in itself to something else like bipolar disorder, ADHD or even borderline personality disorder (the three are often mistaken for each other so it makes correct diagnosis often difficult). A couple of good sites to visit if your interested are NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness and When you need to get information - stop here first.

BUT...even if you are ONLY dealing with depression, that is plenty enough to give you difficulties in social environments and relationships. Just look at the symptoms of depression and see how each one of them can make life with other people difficult:

-persistent sad, anxious, or an "empty" feeling or mood
-recurrent crying episodes
-feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt or worthlessness
-loss of interest in activities that were previously pleasurable, such as a loss of interest in sex
-sleep disturbances such as trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, waking early in the morning, or oversleeping
-changes in weight, either losing without trying or dieting or gaining a significant amount
-restlessness, irritable, "moody"
-memory difficulties or having problems making decisions
-low energy and easy fatigability
-recurring thoughts of death or suicide.

(Depression is a physical illness of the brain and it is NOT a sign of personal weakness....more than 12 million people suffer from depression each year...and a family history can mean there's even more of a chance of suffering from it...and there can sometimes be an underlying illness like thyroid problems or infections so seeing a doctor is a very good idea...and seeing a psychiatrist is an EVEN better idea)

Anyway...as you can see I'm a talker....and I just like to try and help others to learn what has taken me 29 years (and one major year of trials and studying) to come to try and understand.

I pray you overcome the depression soon. I pray that you're not bipolar...but if you are...I pray that you get all the information you need to start learning how to control it now rather than later when it can turn you life completely upside down.

My thoughts are with you tonight.
Hugs and God Bless,
Jenna

09-20-2005, 01:13 AM	#6 (permalink)
shutterbug A picture's worth a 1000 words Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder Posts: 2,947 Blog Entries: 5	hi wolf...it's like I could have written most of this post myself. We have a lot of the same thoughts, feelings and histories with family and relationships. The main difference being that I'm 29 and still going through a lot of those things. You are SO ahead of the game....you just don't realize! When I was your age...I was going through my 1st major depression in college. I went to a couple of counseling sessions with a really bad counselor...but I was told I was co-dependent. I didn't really know what that was...and even when it was explained to me I didn't think much about it or how to change it.---that is until a year ago when I got mixed up with a late-stage alcoholic who went on a week long binge and scared me half to death. In trying to call people who knew him and ask them if I should rush him to the hospital, I ended up finding help for myself. His old sponser pointed me to a side group from AA called Alanon (for friends and families of alcoholics)...which you've probably heard of. I was so desperate for ANY help that I initially became obsessed with the program and of learning what it REALLY meant to be co-dependent and how that had kept me from finding real relationships and love....and how that was also keeping me miserable and unhappy. OMG...if I had found Alanon when I was 22 and still in college....I can't even begin to imagine how beautiful my life would be! And how many wonderful people I would have in my life right now. The program truely has been a God-send in my life. Alanon works on the basis of re-wiring that inner dialogue we have with ourselves (putting ourselves down) and to learn to focus on us and our own happiness instead of that of others...like our family and friends. For me, it was a liscense to become a little selfish for the first time in my life....and the thing I came to realize is that EVERYONE needs to be a little selfish to take care of themselves properly...so it's not really being selfish...it's being healthy! For me and many others....growing up in an alcoholic home put up all kinds of barriers for me to have healthy relationships with anyone...including myself. There is a friends and family of alcoholics forum on this site...which is awsome....but I would suggest finding out about local meetings in your area and attending 2-3 meetings a week, but AT LEAST 1 a week. Give it 6 meetings and then decided if it's right for you or not. It's FREE (unless you want to donate a $1 or $2 at the meetings) and the group is made up of people who know exactly what it's like to be affected by someone else's drinking. Believe it or not....co-dependency CAN keep you from ever finding your potental happiness within relationships. (I'm a walking billboard for that evidence). So I would really like to suggest you give the program a shot. And it's not saying that you're not strong...because almost anyone that has come out of an alcoholic up-bringing (as you well know) are very strong individual's because of all we've had to endure. It just means that for me....I need a some "healthy brainwashing" to reverse what my childhood put in my head, which is a low self-esteem and self-worth, trouble in relationships or around new people or in new situations or environments, giving more of myself than I have to give just to try and make others happy (all while I'm ignoring my own happiness and not even fully taking care of myself). I also realized the "type" of people I was choosing to have relationships or friendships with were people who would never be able to give me what I needed and who would actually bring me more pain and saddness and loneliness in my life. And I'm learning how to search out healthy people and relationships because of Alanon. I would also like to suggest trying individual counseling again. Counselors are as different as snowflakes...so try a few out until you find one you feel most comfortable with and connected to. The more you can trust and relate to the person...the more beneficial the sessions can be. And they can help you really work on self-esteem issues, thought stopping or modifying to help you stop beating yourself up mentally, how to build and keep healthy relationships...and so much more....counselors are just another tool to help you through life. I thank God for mine every day. They have all helped me so much. And I almost hate to say this because I'm not a doctor and I don't know you really and I don't want you to get the wrong idea....but there's a small possiblitity that you mind find it beneficial to research about bipolar disorder. Now I'm NOT saying you have it. Not in the least! All I'm saying is that some of the things you've mentioned about feeling great some days and depressed other days....well it perked up my own bipolar antennas. The reason I say all this is because BD usually starts showing symptoms in college-age students and it often goes undiagnosed for years and often decades to the detrement of the person. I should have been diagnosed when i was your age...instead I was handed a few bottles of anti-depressants and sent on my way. I continued to struggle off and on with low- to medium-grade depression until this past year (for nearly 7 years undiagnosed) when I hit my 2nd and more severe major depression. In the last year, I have been bed-ridden for months, in the hospital twice, in a long-term day treatment program twice, had my meds switched about 20-30 times, lost my career job, nearly lost my home, lost all the friendships in my life who I had worked so hard to maintain and nearly committed suicide a couple of times. AND this could have all been avoided if a decent doctor or anyone else would have informed me! And the thing with BD is that it's a progressive illness so it keeps getting worse the longer it goes untreated. I always try to tell people here about this because a large number of us who suffer re-occuring depression...well the depression is really a symptom in itself to something else like bipolar disorder, ADHD or even borderline personality disorder (the three are often mistaken for each other so it makes correct diagnosis often difficult). A couple of good sites to visit if your interested are NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness and When you need to get information - stop here first. BUT...even if you are ONLY dealing with depression, that is plenty enough to give you difficulties in social environments and relationships. Just look at the symptoms of depression and see how each one of them can make life with other people difficult: -persistent sad, anxious, or an "empty" feeling or mood -recurrent crying episodes -feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, guilt or worthlessness -loss of interest in activities that were previously pleasurable, such as a loss of interest in sex -sleep disturbances such as trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, waking early in the morning, or oversleeping -changes in weight, either losing without trying or dieting or gaining a significant amount -restlessness, irritable, "moody" -memory difficulties or having problems making decisions -low energy and easy fatigability -recurring thoughts of death or suicide. (Depression is a physical illness of the brain and it is NOT a sign of personal weakness....more than 12 million people suffer from depression each year...and a family history can mean there's even more of a chance of suffering from it...and there can sometimes be an underlying illness like thyroid problems or infections so seeing a doctor is a very good idea...and seeing a psychiatrist is an EVEN better idea) Anyway...as you can see I'm a talker....and I just like to try and help others to learn what has taken me 29 years (and one major year of trials and studying) to come to try and understand. I pray you overcome the depression soon. I pray that you're not bipolar...but if you are...I pray that you get all the information you need to start learning how to control it now rather than later when it can turn you life completely upside down. My thoughts are with you tonight. Hugs and God Bless, Jenna __________________ I'M FINE!! Fanatically Insecure Neuratic & Emotional Bipolar/Depression support: 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). Last edited by historyteach; 09-04-2008 at 03:23 AM.