Welcome Kjim.
There's many people here to help and support you at this awful time in your life but as you said , you don't ever have to feel like this again. The thing that helped me relapse was forgetting how shi**y I felt after binge drinking , I'd forgotten what the hangover, guilt and shame felt like . Maybe write it down or make a video to remind yourself how bad it feels. Keep pushing through friend. Dont give any more of your precious time to this poison!