seattlejo

I have done a lot of reading and even went to my first al anon meeting yesterday. My wife is the alcoholic in my life. She has been an alcoholic off and on for 11 years since we have been together, 4 years married. Her alcoholism is getting more and more serious, she has cirrosis of the liver and has been to the ER twice this year for alcohol withdraw seizures. Like many people I have threatened divorce to try and get her to sober up, but after this last seizure I really meant it. She went 2 weeks of being sober but started drinking again.

I have some meetings scheduled this week with some divorce lawyers to see what my options are. Luckily we don't have kids, but I have supported us solely so am worried about what alimony would look like. I constantly find myself going back and forth and she even calls me selfish for not continuing to try and help her get better and giving up even though I have supported us while she hasn't worked ever and paid for her to go to rehab which didnt work back in September. I do still love and care about her which is why I have stuck around for so long but as we get older am realizing she does not really seem to want to get better and we likely will not be able to have a family with her addiction. She constantly promises to go to outpatient rehab, but never ends up following through. One week she will be super understanding and be so regretful for all she has done, another week she will be angry and blame me.

Sorry for rambling, typing it out all out helps see how much has really happened.

For those of you that were able to leave, how did you get over the guilt and the codependency feelings of wanting to help the aloholic. I know al anon says we can only control ourselves which makes sense, but it seems so hard in practice to just drop someone you care about so deeply.