Hey Becky.....
I worry about the death thing as well....
Not so much that I'm afraid of suffering... (although I would like it quick and painless if I have a choice eh God.. ;o)
it's more about leaving my daughter... or about her leaving me...
I've had to really work at understanding about my insecurities around that... and find their roots and dispell the beliefs that drive the fears....
that is the only way out for me....
to find out why....
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but none of that stops my heart from breaking when I feel this way, and I think of her.
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yes... (((Angel)))
I just felt like crying when I read your post ..
I'm so sorry for your loss..
What you've written makes me wonder though if you've finished your grieving for your beloved Mom....
People can get stuck in the grief cycle.. so that one can't move to acceptance and the resolution of losing their loved one.. and all that went with that...
I can only say that.. in my recovery.. the times that I thought I was stuck.. was usually right before a big realization... or coming out of denial around something... so... ;o)
I have bad times as well.. but... I believe with all my heart that I can get fixed.. just by seeking understanding and following a spiritual path...
and I share where I was at with my daughter... so that she knew what was going on...
no lies... right from the moment I understood what lies can do...
anyway...
your not alone... and I'm praying for wellness for you.. and a loving release of your mother's pain....