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Wolf_22 · 09-06-2005, 09:29 AM

Well, my weekend went pretty smooth up until Sunday. Now mind you, since Memorial Day was this week, I had a four day weekend. You'd think I would have just as much fun Sunday then as I would Friday or Saturday... But this wasn't the case.

Instead, I got caught up in the things that bring me down, such as my ex-girlfriend, father/mother issues, and whatever else resides in my vault of memories. After I realized I was sinking into the all-too-familiar hole I seemingly get into, I began to take evasive maneuvers and get out and jog for a few. It didn't help. I couldn't stop thinking about how alone I felt, and how most of my friends that I have are either fat, arrogant, stupid or desparate. I've discussed this issue a lot with my therapist, and he basically told me that I need to befriend more people that I feel I relate to more.

I guess I can do this. It's going to be hard at first though, because even though I can find people I "relate" to more, there is still some sifting through to do with that group. I mean, I'm a pretty big introvert by todays standards, and even when I see other people that are into computers, or drawing, or whatever else I'm into; some of those people I still don't like.

Granted, maybe I'm just too picky, but shouldn't you be when looking for friends? I know you should be when looking for a lover... So why not friends? I get so tired of trying to work problems like this out because it interferes with so many aspects of my everyday life. I mean, if I have no friends that I feel are truly friends, then how am I supposed to get by from day to day?

It took me going to a therapist to realize this, but it seems that the only friends I feel comfortable around are people who are at least 50lbs overweight, or are shy (...or introvert, but not shy). Every friend that I have is like this. Isn't that weird? Why do you think this is? I can't seem to understand why this is too... I think it might have something to do with security, but also I think it to be attributed to the fact that overweight people tend to be more sensitive, carring, and intellectual than most other people. Maybe my view isn't correct, but it just seems like this.

In conclusion, this weekend was like all the other weekends I find myself fighting through. Friday and Saturday were good because I felt like everything was okay, like I didn't have anything to worry about. When Sunday and Monday came though, I started thinking about things I didn't need to be thinking about such as suicide, lonelyness, depression, and my constant fear that I'll never find someone to love (as in a wife). I just feel that I'm always misunderstood, but never truly understand a universal medium in which to communicate... Am I making sense here or am I just rambling?

Thanks for any input.
- Semi-depressed man...

09-06-2005, 09:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Wolf_22 Want to form an alliance? :.) Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 145	Me again... Well, my weekend went pretty smooth up until Sunday. Now mind you, since Memorial Day was this week, I had a four day weekend. You'd think I would have just as much fun Sunday then as I would Friday or Saturday... But this wasn't the case. Instead, I got caught up in the things that bring me down, such as my ex-girlfriend, father/mother issues, and whatever else resides in my vault of memories. After I realized I was sinking into the all-too-familiar hole I seemingly get into, I began to take evasive maneuvers and get out and jog for a few. It didn't help. I couldn't stop thinking about how alone I felt, and how most of my friends that I have are either fat, arrogant, stupid or desparate. I've discussed this issue a lot with my therapist, and he basically told me that I need to befriend more people that I feel I relate to more. I guess I can do this. It's going to be hard at first though, because even though I can find people I "relate" to more, there is still some sifting through to do with *that* group. I mean, I'm a pretty big introvert by todays standards, and even when I see other people that are into computers, or drawing, or whatever else I'm into; some of those people I still don't like. Granted, maybe I'm just too picky, but shouldn't you be when looking for friends? I know you should be when looking for a lover... So why not friends? I get so tired of trying to work problems like this out because it interferes with so many aspects of my everyday life. I mean, if I have no friends that I feel are truly friends, then how am I supposed to get by from day to day? It took me going to a therapist to realize this, but it seems that the only friends I feel comfortable around are people who are at least 50lbs overweight, or are shy (...or introvert, but not shy). Every friend that I have is like this. Isn't that weird? Why do you think this is? I can't seem to understand why this is too... I think it might have something to do with security, but also I think it to be attributed to the fact that overweight people tend to be more sensitive, carring, and intellectual than most other people. Maybe my view isn't correct, but it just seems like this. In conclusion, this weekend was like all the other weekends I find myself fighting through. Friday and Saturday were good because I felt like everything was okay, like I didn't have anything to worry about. When Sunday and Monday came though, I started thinking about things I didn't need to be thinking about such as suicide, lonelyness, depression, and my constant fear that I'll never find someone to love (as in a wife). I just feel that I'm always misunderstood, but never truly understand a universal medium in which to communicate... Am I making sense here or am I just rambling? Thanks for any input. - Semi-depressed man... __________________