Update on my update.
Things have been going well. I still have one foot in and one foot out ready to go at a moments notice, however:
AH has continued his outpatient program, is coming away with knowledge and insight...is participating and making healthy choices.. cut out some problem friends/activities -- Has also started attending AA meetings and counseling. He looks healthy and has lost so much weight and inflammation...his eyes are clear.
I have witnessed him really involving himself in family life and helping me like I think a spouse should do.
I know we have just passed the month mark, I have not forgotten where I was a month ago. He has never, and I would have bet money on him never, getting help, doing the leg work himself, and to see ACTION (not just words but the same attitude). I was angry at first as to why NOW he has decided to change, but I am watching it unfold and enjoying it, to be honest. He made a marriage counseling appointment a few weeks ago, and I went- even though I told him this was not the answer ..well I took the opportunity to tell him and the counselor that I did not know why we were there as I was DONE and I wanted the best for him, but as a couple I was out. I have received an actual apology from him for the way he has treated me and acted.
I don't know if this will last, or how I will feel in a week, month, years time. I sure hope it does last. I really am happy that the kids have an active father now. For the first time in years we have actual conversations that we both remember and laugh and enjoy the company of each other.
So I have an optimistic update for once, but realistic too. I appreciate everyone's support here. I am nervous to post this. It seems too good to be true? But that is the reality right now.