thousandwords...doesn't this sound like the same ole, same ole....
He knows what to say/do to pull you back to the status quo. That is his goal, for himself. It is not about his recovery as the first priority....neither is it about what you want or need.
Yes, he has the right to pursue what he wants...to plead his own case...But so do YOU!!
I looks, to me, that it boils down to you two being on different pages. That happens.
Are you going to cave to his page or follow your page? It seems that you have caved to his page for a long time...and, how has that worked for you?
I think that marriage counseling is way, way premature....and, anyway, they don't have a magic wand that just makes everything o..k......
And...Yes, Yes....it is o.k. to go for what you want because you want to!!!
My recommendation....you might as well stop looking for the seamless, painless way to make the "break".....because there isn't one. He won't allow that. But...you can do it...and, you do have your exit p lan in your back pocket.....that is what an exit plan is all about....exiting.....