Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Meyekell I really don't know what its going to do to convince me that I am an addict to marijuana, I guess in my heart of hearts I know.
I went to an NA meetings and couldn't get myself in the door, and decided I would "give up" on recovery and myself. It just wasn't working, I would go to 3 meetings a day and still smoke weed when it was all over. So, in my given up state, I took a less than legal (i'm on probation) trip to see some of my old friends. None of whom were at all excited to see me. I went out drinking like old times, and sat in the corner by myself all kind of shadey, but this ended up being the last of my concerns.
By the end of the weekend I was left alone in my friends room, and after a huge contemplation I stole his weed. Now whats amazing about this is there was a stack of apprx. 300-500 dollars right next to a gram of bud. I took 20 for gas and the bag, left all the money; i'm not a theif by nature. Its just I can't find weed anymore.
I felt really bad, and apologized, but he didn't want to hear about it- threatened me and that was the end of it., ..
I really need help, and I don't know what to do. It seems like all the advice in the world won't sink in. People have told me to try researching county funded rehabs but I don't want a down in the dumps rehab... I don't want rehab at all. I just want to be like everyone else in the world who just stops wanting weed. It hasn't happened yet... and since I've been going to meetings its only gotten worse. Thanks
-meyekell |
Wow, reading this post is like looking in the mirror at myself 8 months ago. I have done absolutely everything you mention, from knowing I have a problem and not wanting/being able to do anything about it, to stealing my "friends" weed, to blaming the meetings for things getting worse. It really sucks doesn't it??!! The question is, does it suck enough yet?? Only you can make the decision to quit. Rehab isn't going to do it for you, it can give you a jump start because you'll be clean for at least 28 days or so, but you still have to go back to the real world eventually. My first time in rehab, I made it about 3 weeks after I got out the second time not even a whole day. Same deal with meetings, they guarantee to keep you clean for an hour, the other 23 you are on your own! Well that is not totally true, if you truly use the resourses available to you at the meetings you dont' have to be on your own with this, but once again you have to want it enough to reach out for the help. For me personally, NA wasn't the way for me. I've been to well over 100 meetings, and while I learned alot at them and greatly respect the program for those it helps, it's just not for me. Everyone has to find what works for them, I use a hodgepodge of recovery methods and it works for me. The most important thing though, and this is true for any program, is that you have to want to do it. You have to make up your mind that pot just isn't an option for you. Look at what it is doing to you!! It's turned you into the worst kind of theif, not only did you steal, you stole from your so called friends. Is this what you really want out of your life??!! As they say in the rooms, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." I stole pot dozens of times from my "friends". They were afraid to see me coming around because it meant they were going to have to "smoke me up" and watch their stash too!! Nice rep, huh? It's gonna just keep getting worse until YOU make the CHOICE to do something about it. That choice is, YOU can not smoke pot. It is poison to you, it has turned you into a theif, not sure why you're on probation, but you are running the risk of going to jail too. Maybe that will be the wake up call you need. Sorry if I'm comming off harsh, but I have been through it all and I hate to see people choose that same road if there is anything I can say to help it. Don't know if this helped you in any way or not, I hope so. You can PM me anytime, I check my mail often and will help in any way I can. Take care.