Normal drinkers and people who dont have addictions to weed, can "just stop wanting it". They dont have a problem. WE DO. Never has there been an addict who "just stops" wanting it. NEVER. So dont beat yourself up for not experiencing that myth. You need to stop. You already know that. Its gotten you on probation, so thats legal trouble. Its gotten you to break the legal conditions OF that probation and now its lost you a friend because you stole from him. Ask yourself this question. Can I really see myself living like this for the rest of my life? Its just not rational. Its not reasonable. Its impossible for you to live life this way and NOT be miserable. More probation awaits you, thats for sure. More legal trouble. More loss of friends and even loss of family. Loss of respect from others as well as yourself,...and lots of depression. Sound good?
State funded treatment centers arent shady. I went to one. I didnt have insurance. (By the way,....most addicts and alcoholics DONT have insurance) The Treatment Center gets their money from the state. They still get paid. Just because its not coming out of your pocket doesnt mean the place is going to be shady or dirty. Those places HAVE to be up to certain inspection standards. Thats the law. The one I went to was spotless. And I owe a great deal of my motivation to stay sober to that place. I made friendships that will stay with me to my grave. It sounds to me like you dont want to go into a center because of the social status you feel it brings. Its like you admitting that you arent like everyone else. You arent. You are an addict. But there is no shame in that. As long as you are a recovering addict. The shameful addict is the one who should be getting help, but is still using. Thats the loser. Not the determined addicts who are making honest efforts to get clean and be an asset to the world instead of a liability. Do what you KNOW is right thing to do and get the help you need. You will feel the weight lift the minute you make the phone call. I AM NOT BULLSH*TTING YOU ON THAT. The second you hang up the phone after admitting yourself to a center, you will feel 50 times better about yourself and your cup will be half FULL for the first time in a loooong time. Trust me.
