No truer words were ever spoken, OP. You are right. About everything you said. I am ready for this, as best as I can be. It feels like everyone in my f to f life just doesn't get what wds are like. how much they hurt. but, this is the last time. You are right. there is nothing to go back to. I am done. I know I've said that before, but this time it's for real. One more time through this suck fest. I can't do this again. I just can't. It gets harder and more painful each time. But, I can't do this alone. Please, please stay with me guys. Just one more time through. I need all of you. I feel so sick and so alone. I just want to cry.
I called the # you gave me, OP, and I found an NA meeting not too far from me. I even got my mom to agree to take me and drop me off the first couple of times. After that, I don't know. But, it's a noon meeting, and that's good. Walking in this neighborhood at night is not a very good idea. I also called the local NA # and left a message for someone to call me back. I hope they will.
Maybe people think I am just messing around, and don't really want to get sober, but I do. I really, really do. I was throwing up, and stuff, and I still made the phone calls and did the best I could today to find some help. I need help. I give up. I surrender. I am done. I even made a "Quit Book". A book where I can write all of this down. I am trying really hard this time. harder than I ever have before. I want my life back.
Please stick with me, guys. Please. I feel so alone.
Ok, I have to go toss my cookies again, but I will check in later. I'm giving myself until Monday to get through the worst of the wds, and then I am going to my first ever NA meeting. I hope I like it, and I hope they like me. But mainly, I hope it will help me.
Gotta go.
Love you guys. Truly.