Hi recov1:
I hear a lot of pain in your post.
I have two questions for you: 1. Is your husband an addict or alcoholic? 2. Are you seeing a counsellor or attending a support group like Alanon? As the child of an alcoholic, you learned co-dependent behaviours very early, which makes you a "sitting duck" for troubled partners today.
You cannot control, cure, or fix your husband. But you CAN find happiness, peace, and a full life for yourself. I am also the child of an Alcoholic, and I am working on getting rid of my co-dependent behaviour by attending Alanon meetings three times a week. In Alanon, I am finding peace of mind and I am getting my own life back, instead of living through some other person.
bye for now
Robina