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vitalsixthsense · 08-12-2005, 01:12 AM

Alcoholics Anonymous Page 108 from Chapter To Wives

"These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband. We hope this book has answered some of them. Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated. You can see that he really does love with his better self. Of course, there is such a thing as incompatibility, but in nearly every instance the alcoholic only seems to be unloving and inconsiderate; it is usually because he is warped and sickened that he says and does these appalling things. Today most of our men are better husbands and fathers than ever before.
Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill.
There is an important exception to the foregoing. We realize some men are thoroughly bad-intentioned, that no amount of patience will make any difference. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. Don’t let him get away with it. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave him. Is it right to let him ruin your life and the lives of your children? Especially when he has before him a way to stop his drinking and abuse if he really wants to pay the price."

Ten years ago I had just gotten out of two bad relationships. One with a potential alcoholic, and the next one was a rebound when I was depressed. The first one acted like she would rather hang out in a bar with other guys than with me. I was quite angered by this, though she claimed that they were only her friends. And I was keeping her from her friends, which in fact I was keeping her hostage. Some times I would treaten to kill myself if she wanted to leave me. So I cheated on her with the other one, and then got what I deserved when I found myself all alone. I tried to make amends to both of them but the first one just seemed to accept all of the blame, and the second one just left me just when I was trying to work the program to get my life in order. I did not drink because I fear that I will have a seizure if I do, but I did get involved with other things to take me out of myself that I should not be into. In fact, before I worked the steps I found that I was constantly doing some addictive behavior. Sleeping for 18 hours during periods of depression, and staying up all night during periods of mania on the computer. Later in 1995 I met my wife, and she does not like to drink, and has been a great deal of help for me in recovery. Sometimes I try to blame my wife for things, but she does not ever tollerate it. I still have problems, but never like I did before I worked the steps. For me dry is when I still have my alcohoic mind going in other directions, sober when I am thinking about how I can help someone else.

08-12-2005, 01:12 AM	#4 (permalink)
vitalsixthsense vitalsixthsense Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Frostburg, MD Posts: 18	Alcoholics Anonymous Page 108 from Chapter To Wives "These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every woman who has an alcoholic husband. We hope this book has answered some of them. Perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted and exaggerated. You can see that he really does love with his better self. Of course, there is such a thing as incompatibility, but in nearly every instance the alcoholic only seems to be unloving and inconsiderate; it is usually because he is warped and sickened that he says and does these appalling things. Today most of our men are better husbands and fathers than ever before. Try not to condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does. He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill. There is an important exception to the foregoing. We realize some men are thoroughly bad-intentioned, that no amount of patience will make any difference. An alcoholic of this temperament may be quick to use this chapter as a club over your head. Don’t let him get away with it. If you are positive he is one of this type you may feel you had better leave him. Is it right to let him ruin your life and the lives of your children? Especially when he has before him a way to stop his drinking and abuse if he really wants to pay the price." Ten years ago I had just gotten out of two bad relationships. One with a potential alcoholic, and the next one was a rebound when I was depressed. The first one acted like she would rather hang out in a bar with other guys than with me. I was quite angered by this, though she claimed that they were only her friends. And I was keeping her from her friends, which in fact I was keeping her hostage. Some times I would treaten to kill myself if she wanted to leave me. So I cheated on her with the other one, and then got what I deserved when I found myself all alone. I tried to make amends to both of them but the first one just seemed to accept all of the blame, and the second one just left me just when I was trying to work the program to get my life in order. I did not drink because I fear that I will have a seizure if I do, but I did get involved with other things to take me out of myself that I should not be into. In fact, before I worked the steps I found that I was constantly doing some addictive behavior. Sleeping for 18 hours during periods of depression, and staying up all night during periods of mania on the computer. Later in 1995 I met my wife, and she does not like to drink, and has been a great deal of help for me in recovery. Sometimes I try to blame my wife for things, but she does not ever tollerate it. I still have problems, but never like I did before I worked the steps. For me dry is when I still have my alcohoic mind going in other directions, sober when I am thinking about how I can help someone else.