[MagdaM]

so my fabulous 12hrs of 'clean time' has left me plenty of time for thinking in between sessions of being sick. but it's been some good thinking.

i was thinking maybe addicts could make very very good Christians. we're good at going against god--"I am the lord thy God you shall have no false gods before me". Every one of us has broken that one and big. but at the same time we're really good at doing all the things Christ said--

for my god I have given up all my worldly possesions. I have had faith in my god no matter what. I have left my family and friends to follow him. I have followed my god's every command as faithfully as Ambraham followed His. I've sacrificed everything I am, syaing "not my will but thy will be done" with every breath for the last seven years. Problem is I've been getting on my knees for the wrong god.

Instead of giving that kind of abject service to my Lord Jesus I've been giving it to a god that wants me dead. Instead of having that kind of faith in a merciful and loving God I've given every minute of every waking day to a god of nothing.

I don't have to change what I've been doing--I just have to change who I'm doing it for. Does this make sense to anyone?

Sorry just bored and sick and ranting...