[angelgirl]

Hi, gosh, when I got up this am (or afternoon I mean anyway) I got a phone call first thing from my dad. He was ripping me apart, like he always does. He always says things that mean I am worthless, and I am a mess, and everything I do, I screw up...
Well, that was a terrible way to first wake up (heck, it's a bad thing no matter what time it is) to. He really messed with my head. I began to cry after I hung up, and I cried all day and into tonight.
I had dual diagnosis group, and I also had an appt. to see my drug and alcohol counselor and also my celebrate recovery group , all today. Well what a mess I was. I cried through my who hour appt. with my counselor, and in group I started to cry,and I asked them to just leave me for today, I really did not want to talk today. I also cried at the recovery meeting tonight.
I don't think I have ever felt SO LOW in my life. I felt like I had this dark horrible cloud over me, or liek I was in this big fog, and I felt like nothing was like, reality today. I just felt disconnected from the world today.. It was very strange. I felt SO LOW!!
I can't really even describe the feeling really... The best I can do is everything was just very DARK.. Anythin could have happened to me today, and I don't think I woyuld have cared.
I feel a bit better tonight, although still some lingering feelings, and depression.
I just know that I don't EVER want to feel that bad again. NEVER...
Such a terrible depression. Does anyone understand what I am saying. Being so low, you just don't care about anything, and everything you do, even moving, even sitting is a chore???
I have been fighting this horrible depression for the last week or so, and it just keeps getting worse, I feel like I am afraid to get up tomorrow... Who knows how I will feel.?? But I'm afraid..
When I get that bad, I just wantt o go to bed, and cover my head and do nothing and see no one...
Please tell me you have felt that bad before. I am so tired of it..
Love, Becky