|
I admire your honesty your words of truth and hurt touched me. I too have experienced what you have and still am at this time in my life even at 48. searching to find ME.
I am also new here Through the grace of God stumbled across this web site. There is a reason for everything.
I want to share something with you- It may or may not help!
I lost both my parents 3 months apart in 1999 My father at 56 was a recovering alchoholic, my mother co-dependant leaving him from time to time but to always find her way back to him.
Myself and 2 other siblings lived in hell along with my mother I can relate to your feelings on the issue here.
My father never attended any of our graduations because he was too drunk although he provided well for all of us. He messed up our lives growing up NEVER being there as a father for any of us, and especially when we needed him.
I am the middle child and female now 48 years old been married 3 times I am attractive and have no problem getting a date, but I always fall for the guy whom isn't worthy of ME, but even aware of this, I still somehow because of my dysfuctional habits Chose the worst relationships.
I have one daughter 23 that I am proud to say I raised with the help of my sober mother and recovering alcoholic father, he did alot of sliding before he got his life together and was saved and I praise God for that.
I have one grandson and I would give anything today if my parents were here just to see this beautiful child, However in the cruel and messed up society we live in It is selfish for me to want this. I know that they are both in Heaven without a doubt Happy and together rejoicing in the LORD.
My point is I live alone I am no longer in a dysfuctional relationship (Today) and even though I know when the red flag pops up to run I some how hang on with a ray of hopethat I will find a NORMAL relationship but then again is there any NORMAL left?
I am jobless at this time and am living each day digging money from my piggy bank literally, and don't know where I will get another job, I have lost two jobs that have allowed me to survive and do well as a single mother,providing for myself until recently.However I still have no direction of where I am going even though every day I live I hold my head up and keep looking for a job I can't give up. I am a survivor, ACoA are just that SURVIVORS.
My advice to you is this: Your Father is a sick man, he has a disease and he can not by the grace of God get better until he realizes he needs help, even though he has probably admitted it 100000 of times he has to want help.
Bless Your Mother's heart He is all she has ever known, Heck I doubt she would know how to survive without him. Your Father may be 76 y/o and I personally would never turn my back on him (reason) he is sick! He may not have been a Father figure that you needed growing up, but if you should turn your back on him now when he passes you will live with regrets of this the rest of your life, never forgiving yourself.
I am sorry but I have to disagree Two wrongs don't make a right.
I know what it is to live a dysfuctional, lonley, embarresing life with an drunken father, that never once lifted me up, or spoke positive words towards myself or other siblings and believe me I live with the results of that every day and in their ways so do they.
I will tell you this I was blessed that my father was sober when he died, and before he passed he spoke to each one of us individually, allowing each of us to know how sorry he was for all the wrong he did and not being there for us, Not being the Father he wished he could haveand how he regreted mis-treating us and our mother etc. Even my Mother forgave him for the beatings she took, and how terrible he mistreated her.
I am grateful for this every day, that he was able to repent of his wrongs to us and even GOD and even though I forgave him it some how doesn't take the hurt away.
Your Father knows of his wrong doings and has regrets and is haunted every day of his stinking drinking Maybe he has no idea of how to get help, Does he know God? Maybe you should lead him to him, If you know God yourself and I am sure you do.
I would think that you would not go to him to tell him you are walking out of his life, Can you imagine the hurt? Heck he is 76 y/o I am sure he want live many more years and why should you lessen them even more with a broken heart?
Even though my mother had Cancer and so did my Father I believe that she died because of lonliness from the passing of my Father she was lonley, not knowing how to live without him.
If I were going to speak with him:
Iwould allow him to know what he has done to you as far as pain and spill your heart out to him, Tell him you would like to see him sober before he passes on but If he never does regardless you will never forget what he has done to you and your Mother and family but, you hope to be able to one day and right now your Forgive him.
I miss my Father and Mother so much even though it has been almost 7 years now it seems like Yesterday they both were a part of my life. NO it wasn't the best life and I never wish it on anyone but I tell you I loved them both Yes, My sick alchoholic father through the abuse and sickness as a family I loved him, and MY Mother bless her heart for the courage she taught me and the back bone I learnt from her.
NO matter how many times I have allowed myself to fall I am Thankful I have the courage and the wisdom to pick myself up.
WE only have one chance in this life... Forgive and Let Go
Life is too short.
May God Bless You and I as we walk together in this world of ours we know as dysfuction, May we hold our heads high and learn from what we have experienced and are still learning.
My friend I wish you the best I pray that some how these words have touched you and may shed light on your corner of the world.
Good Luck to you
|