[Litework]

Hey all,

Need to vent but I also need feedback and any help I can get!

I don't think there has been a moment in amy almost 5 1/2 years of recovery that I have been THIS ANGRY. I am not just angry, I am furious, pi**ed off, positively FUMING, and I have not been able to a) let it go b) turn it over to HP cause HP knows whats he's doing (supposedly) c) accept the situation c) understad it is SOMEONE ELSE who has a problem because I am doign the best I can with my program d) heal resentments... to make the list short, I have allowed this anger to consume me. heheheh it's no fun, believe me.

I will make a long story short: I let an ex-sponsee of mine go (I really never liked her much, but I figured if she asked me to be her sponsor, there was something for me to learn there) when she began dating my father-in-law (he's 55, she's 19) - for obvious reasons. Resentment began there, I guess. This girl wreaks havoc wherever she goes with her lies, manipultation, victim attitude, and ahe causes these huge messes whcih she turns around and makes her look like she's been wronged. Plus, she is EVIL. My father-in-law's ex is a good friend of mine and I have been helping her out after she relapsed - she's 28 days clean and trying to stand on her ow 2 feet without my a**hole father-in-law (who by the way, is 15 yrs into his sobriety and I have no idea HOW - the man is just a nasty specimen devoid of spiritual principles).

So this girl makes obscene phone calls, writes nasty e-mails, sleeps with everyone she can find behind my father-in-law's back, steals, lies.... and comes to meetings and people think she is just the poor little victim cause she LIES and LIES...

Anyhow, my resentment kept growing cause I just cannot stand really mean people who get away with it. I am a lover of justice and fairness and always rally to an underdog's aid - I cannot believe HP allows this kind of stuff to happen. But now, this girl is "invading" the only women's meeting we have here (going strong now after 2 years, but believe me, Brazilian men are NOT receptive to women owing their own space in recovery - sexism galore down here) and saying nasty things to cause discomfort, directed to certain people. Now I dont know about you guys, but if i had 28 days clean time and some bitch came around saying veiled and open mean things to me in a meeting, I dont know how much longer I'd be able to stay there...

So myself and the other trusted servants are pretty mad - I wrote an e-mail to the women who regularly go tou our meeting, with copies to our friends from Outreach - they helped us before and I hope they can do so again, regarding our 1st tradition...

But thw main thing here is I am positively ready to kick this girl down a flight of stairs or choke her until she cries, of just land her a couple of good pucnhes. I have been boxing for the past 3 years, but usually all my desire to physically HIT something stays at the gym... I have NEVER felt so consumed by my desire to injure someone!! Ugh, this thing just won't go away and I am totally obsessed. Liek I said, I suppose HP knows what he is doing, but I cannot conceive such vile people could be allowed to exist (dont get me wrong, I did my share of crap in active addiction but I dont have it in me to purposefully screw people) and kick people who are down... and not get srewed themselves. What happened to what goes around comes around? If life will not punish her then I will!

Jeez, I will not, but I need to say that here or I might be tempted.

I need solutions. Fast. Please - I really wnat to get back to my ususal self and think happy thoughts (hehehehh) I feel really stuck in this and its been going on for a couple of weeks now.

Really, thanks for letting me vent - I usually prefer to make positive contributions but at the moment I am impaired! hahahahahh So I really appreciate any feedback you guys might have on letting go and letting God, and anger management!

Lots of love, recovery and 24 more hours of sobriety and serenity to all of ya!

Juliana