[NoMoBeer]

Sadie:
Well, first off -- posting and reading here may help you get to that one or two months sober, so stay close!

My view on the "compulsion" -- I personally believe the 'allergy' theory presented in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The BB tells me I have a compulsion of the mind, and an allergy of the body. My compulsion tells me it's OK to drink, or I can control my drinking, or whatever -- somehow it makes me WANT to drink. When I am just separated from alcohol, with no program to deal with that compulsion, it will always be there and the switch will always be on. With my program, I can be 'spiritually fit,' and let the complusion kind of lay at rest. For me that's the only way it works. Now, if things were to go awry, and the compulsion should get the best of me and I take that first drink -- I believe that's where the abnormal make up of my body takes over, and the phenomenon of craving is activated. Once I get alcohol into my body, I don't process it like 'normal' people. I want more and more and more. For me, I used to drink until I passed out. Period. It's the only way I knew how to...

Hope that helps, even just to know that there are others who experience the same thing... I believe this is why we need a recovery program. If we didn't need to actively recover, than just separating from alcohol would be enough. Most of the times it's not.

Ken