[CAPTAINZING2000]

CHEER UP! There's a yuppie somewhere who just pulled a hamstring in one of
those sissy aerobics classes.

CHEER UP! Remember that nasty old nun who used to hit your knuckles with a
ruler? She's 75 years old now, and she has arthritis.

CHEER UP! If your woman isn't faithful, you're not alone. Don't forget
that even Popeye was two-timed by Olive Oyl (in almost every episode, in
fact!)

CHEER UP! The worse things get,...the less you have to lose!

CHEER UP! You'll be happy to know that your local newspaper is made of 50%
recycled material. (That's 1% recycled paper; 49% recycled news articles.)

CHEER UP! Miss Manners has finally been discredited. It's rude to tell
other people what to do!

CHEER UP! Every three minutes, somewhere in America a suburban housewife
backs the family car through the garage door.

CHEER UP! No matter how bad things get, your folks still have your old
bedroom ready, and you're welcome to go back home.

CHEER UP! The time you spent reading this joke could've been spent more
productively. But you're not bothered because you're one of those
well-adjusted people who really doesn't give a darn.