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Hey Dan,
I'm sure glad you're back my friend. "Maybe you never really stopped??" Obviously you did for 15 months! To me that's like saying, "He's sober, but the other guy isn't." It's kind of objective don't you think? I wouldn't let that statement burn any more into my skull than it has.
Having said that, you know how long I've been without drinking...right? I don't have a clue what might make me take that next drink. So, what do I do today? The best I can! I stand guard at the protal of thought! My thoughts lead me to my actions. It was drummed into my head a long time ago that if stinkin' thinkin' starts, call someone, preferably my sponsor. How It Works says that I have to let go of my old ideas or the result will be nil. I've had that old idea creep in from time to time that this problem isn't that big, I can handle it by myself. Why should I burden others with it. Couple times the only right thing I did was not drink. Spirituality as with humility I think is a daily chore. I have to stay into some kind of action in order to keep either of them alive and well. I think one feeds off or leads to, the other. I have dealings with priests and nuns on my retreats and the first thing they do in the morning is meditate and pray. Some of them have been at it for 40, 50 years. Sheesh, you'd think they'd get the hang of it wouldn't you? I had one priest tell me that AA helped him to gain a spiritual relationship with God. You'd think these folks would have the God stuff in the bag.
I believe that if the right circumstances present themselves, and I get the idea that a drink will make things better, and allow that idea to live in my head for any length of time, I'll drink. Hell, I don't know why you drank, maybe nobody does, but I believe there's a certain train of thought that leads up to that first drink, and I have to practice constant vigilance so I can catch that thought or action that might be the one that triggers that obsession.
I love you Dan and am glad you're back. I remember when you left the board for a few days or a week. What was the reason you gave for leaving again?? I forgot!
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