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*Was I white knuckling it for fifteen months, and didn't admit it to myself? Or even worse, didn't know it?
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I really don't think so, Dan. There are people who stay sober for 15 years and go back out. Do you think they were white knuckling it the whole time and just didn't admit it to themselves. I am not inside your head, so I cannot truly say what happened that caused this relapse. Only you know that. However, I have been reading almost all of your posts since the first day I came here, and I could tell you were learning and growing right along with me. I don't think I was imagining it.
I have heard this, and it helps me to be very grateful for the sobriety I have today. When others come back from a relapse, and ask why it happened, people say, "We're alcoholics. We drink. Any day an alcoholic doesn't drink is an absolute miracle." I believe that to be true no matter how long we have been sober.
You were working the program, and you slipped. It happened. Perhaps it happened because some other alcoholic needed to be reminded of how fragile and precious sobriety can be.
I don't really know anything except that I am glad you are back.
