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Welcome to SR.
First off....I can bet that there are quite a few people who are or have been in your shoes. What comes through your message is a need for a connection...which you have termed as intimacy (in the truest sense of the word), and you also are looking for undestanding. Since you haven't found this..you turn to drinking. You DO have options...and they are (in my opinion) better than going to the bar.
I think it might help if you take some time to browse the forum because there are people who have been in your shoes, and they can help you.
Also, if you ever need to talk to someone...please check out the "Chat" room (click on the Chat Forum for more info), or feel free to PM me or any of the other mods.
-pedagogue
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"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." - Frank A. Clark
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