[2stop]

I think my marriage is over....my husband is not acting right.
I was ordered out of the house last night, my clothes threw down the steps.called every name in the book.........last week he raised his hand to hit me....in front of my kids..and basically told them they were lying..he did NOT raise his hand to me...........it is insane.............I need to figure out to support myself...and leave...........I have never feared him before.....now I have a horrible knot in my stomach all the time..........that he will really lose control.

i question myself alot now though..am I the crazy one? am I as bad as he says I am?? Deep down I know I am not.........I AM a good mother, a good wife, a hard worker...........I live in a lot of pain, my husband hate that I cannot work right now.............I am told in spend too much on groceries, or how he "has to slave away for his family"
I need to do something about this.........................I feel kinda numb.......like it's not really happening...................like I worked so hard on my life.............for this one here with my husband and family to end......he told me he would destroy me..........even if he had to make up things like.."I am drug seeking.............he tells me constantly how I would pass out if I had to work his job.................sometimes he gets really irrational..we could be talking about the weather.he will look at me and say "look how easily you lie"

... he just called me to fight again................................I told we can discuss this rationally when he gets home...or not at all.............he went off on me.then hung up.

Just somebody...anybody who has had to walk away and been unable to work, been sick..and still managed to do it..please offer me some advice.........I won't raise my kids in this..........my son is at a camp this week, my daughter is with her gramma right now..............last night he told me he didn't want my psycho a$$ raising the kids anyways..so just get out.screaming in my ear.threatening to call the cops........then freaking out when my daughter went to dial the phone..thought she was calling the cops........I can't have my kids in this............any advice appreciated...
I have been doing better I thought..............getting stronger......but am I? I don't know.deep down a little voice says.Tammie you are stronger than this!! YOU are not in the wrong...............you are not crazy!

but then the other thoughts hit..........maybe I am just so crazy and such a bad person I wouldn't know the difference............

...and then I think..he feels threatened that I am getting slowly stronger, starting to build a foundation under my feet.........somehow it threatens him..but why? If he is afraid I will leave.he is right..I will leave.I just don't know how..........






"