| This sounds familiar...
...I really wanted my mother to realise that she didn't have to drink anymore. All this led to was my own frustration and eventually I got irritated just by looking at her. Everything she did was annoying to me. Then I thought about it from her angle (which was hard):
Her own frustration must have been enormous. I used to steal stuff from my family. Even though I knew I would get caught and expected the usual confrontations, I hardly noticed the incredible guilt, shame and remorse I felt when I saw the despair in their faces. I never expected to feel this way. If I did I notice I reacted out of fear of these unknown emotions. I even acted coldly "I'll pay you back" and sometimes defensively. Then I did it again. Inside I was crushed. But it was all I knew. Those rare times that I did recognise that I was hurting myself and them, I didn't know how to stop it...I just numbed the pain with escape. Selfish I know.
It took many of my own hurtful experiences to realise that going around crushing myself was killing me, but no-one could tell me this. I had to find out on my own. I'm not saying your brother is like this, but if he is then maybe this ramble can help you understand a little more. Even though understand is maybe the last thing you feel like doing.
Anyway, I realised that the best thing I can do is fix myself and let her find her own truth. And that meant walking away sometimes. It also meant sometimes telling her when she was making me uncomfortable so she knew when to back off. Although completely natural to want to help my family, trying to change them didn't work at all.
I am carrying on here! I hope that you can find a way to set your boundaries. Even though it hurts sometimes. Personally, boundaries strengthen my self-acceptance and desire to stay sober and the love and respect from others is a big bonus.
All the best
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