| Triggers
I'm having a hard time dealing with my brother. I had talked about this in a previous post, but for those who don't know, my brother came to stay with me last Jan. 2002. He wanted to re-locate out to California. My brother also has had problems with addicitons. Long story short, he ended up using while he was here. In November he fessed up and went into a tx ctr, supposed to stay for six months. Left two weeks later, stayed at our place for a week, and then got his own digs.
When he comes over, it triggers me. I wonder if he's using, if he has any, and think about having him get some. He came over yesterday to work on his car, and I told him how I was feeling. He said he understood and that it would probably be best if he didn't come over very much for awhile.
Well, the next thing I know, I come in the house, and he's in my room looking through my things for pills. He knows that I have valium. It is prescribed, and I don't use if very often, but sometimes I get bad anxiety or panic attacks. So he was looking through my bag for drugs or the valium.
When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was having bad anxiety and could he have a valium. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I gave him one. I know he does suffer from bad anxiety and panic, our mom did too, and I feel like I should help him. But this is not good.
All my life I wanted to be closer to my brother, and since he came out here we have gotten closer, but now it seems I need to give up that relationship because of the using thing. I'm really struggling, and feeling triggered when he is around only makes it worse.
Juls
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