SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Is this the light?? (at the end of the tunnel)

sleepdemon · 04-19-2002, 07:43 PM

I first discovered this message board about a month ago one night in the depths of despair... when I knew I had to get healthy or... well, you know...or DIE! A little about my years of strife that brought me to such disatrous states... Been bi-polar since 15 yrs. old, been bulimic for 11 years, -- boy have those years taken their toll. Started to gain massive poundage a year ago... found out a month ago my body now does not use insulin properly and have had to go on some medicine for it. That definately made me see the light. I now cannot eat more than 100g of carbs or any sugar.... but remember that I was and am used to eating Everything and anything I wanted these last hellish 11 years. However, this is my 3rd week of not overeating and exercising. I can't believe I have done this. Is this what recovery is? I've never done it outside of a hospital treatment center. This is also my 6th week of not drinking and 8 weeks from not doing any drugs. Let me tell you it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I get so scared to think that I'll break down and go back to my old habits. Jeez this is a scary thought, or I'll go through a depressive episode!! No! Not that!! I've also been in seclusion at my parent's house since Feb. 20th. I do not leave the house or talk to anyone on the phone. I have this bubble wrapped around me so I will stay on the straight and narrow. I'm afraid of any outside influences. I do not want to mess up and die!!! My worst times for wanting to munch is about from 5pm on. I am very hungry right now but I will not give in. It's so hard to keep on an eating regime, not to throw up and to exercise when my thighs chafe together. But I don't want to die homeless. I keep trying to put my finger on why I've been doing so well and remaining strong. I think the sunny weather has a little to do with it. Crap!! I hope I haven't jinxed myself by saying all this!! I am a little--no, majorly disheartened because despite my strenuous exercise and meticulous calorie watching I've only lost 2 teeny pounds. Well, @ least I don't puke up ribbons of blood and walk around hunched over because my gut is screaming, right?? Sending good vibes to you all!!

04-19-2002, 07:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
sleepdemon Paused Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 25	Is this the light?? (at the end of the tunnel) I first discovered this message board about a month ago one night in the depths of despair... when I knew I had to get healthy or... well, you know...or DIE! A little about my years of strife that brought me to such disatrous states... Been bi-polar since 15 yrs. old, been bulimic for 11 years, -- boy have those years taken their toll. Started to gain massive poundage a year ago... found out a month ago my body now does not use insulin properly and have had to go on some medicine for it. That definately made me see the light. I now cannot eat more than 100g of carbs or any sugar.... but remember that I was and am used to eating Everything and anything I wanted these last hellish 11 years. However, this is my 3rd week of not overeating and exercising. I can't believe I have done this. Is this what recovery is? I've never done it outside of a hospital treatment center. This is also my 6th week of not drinking and 8 weeks from not doing any drugs. Let me tell you it is the hardest thing I've ever done. I get so scared to think that I'll break down and go back to my old habits. Jeez this is a scary thought, or I'll go through a depressive episode!! No! Not that!! I've also been in seclusion at my parent's house since Feb. 20th. I do not leave the house or talk to anyone on the phone. I have this bubble wrapped around me so I will stay on the straight and narrow. I'm afraid of any outside influences. I do not want to mess up and die!!! My worst times for wanting to munch is about from 5pm on. I am very hungry right now but I will not give in. It's so hard to keep on an eating regime, not to throw up and to exercise when my thighs chafe together. But I don't want to die homeless. I keep trying to put my finger on why I've been doing so well and remaining strong. I think the sunny weather has a little to do with it. Crap!! I hope I haven't jinxed myself by saying all this!! I am a little--no, majorly disheartened because despite my strenuous exercise and meticulous calorie watching I've only lost 2 teeny pounds. Well, @ least I don't puke up ribbons of blood and walk around hunched over because my gut is screaming, right?? Sending good vibes to you all!!