Zoso is right, it's time to let go and start taking care of yourself. My son has been addicted for 20 years now, missing for the past 11 or so. Before he went missing I nearly lost my life trying to save his and I knew that it was going to be a long process for me to reclaim my life and my sanity.
Meetings helped me most of all and SR here, and today I live well and embrace the beauty and joy in each day. I say a prayer every morning asking God to take care of my son, then leave the rest in God's hands as I go about living my day well.
I hope you can find your own peace in spite of all that has happened.
Hugs